Shattered Life
by Chuken Hachiko
Summary: Alternate Ending to Gokusen 3. Very angsty. Won't say why though, that'd ruin the whole plot. Song fic. Song: Shattered Life by Seventh Day Slumber. Has a squeal coming soon!


It had taken him awhile before he could stand going to visit Ren. He was scared of what might happen. More specifically, he was afraid of what sound the machines by Ren's bed might make. He knew it was cliché, and it was probably just the paranoia of the possibility of losing his best friend kicking in, but you never knew.

**This wanting more from me is tearing me, it's breaking me**

**But what you want's not mine to give**

He had gone through all of the possibilities in his head. What might happen to Ren. Most of the possibilities he thought up woke him up at night. It scared him that his mind was capable of such thoughts of death and sadness. Throughout the suspension, especially during the time while Ren was in the hospital, he'd wake up in the middle of the night because of the nightmares.

The generic plot of all of his dreams? Ren dying, and then him following suit soon after. Well, what else could he do? He wouldn't be able to handle everything alone. It wasn't fair. It simply was not fair. If Ren were to die in that coma, he'd leave Yamato behind. He'd leave Yamato behind after everything. After he had seriously depended on Ren. He wouldn't have anyone else to depend on anymore.

**I'm your dollar sign, your brand new house,**

**Your product line**

**When you're done with me I'm spent.**

For the past several days, all the guys and Yankumi had been coming by the house, tracking him down in the city, asking him to go and visit Ren. Even Kaoruko stopped him a few times when she saw him. He'd rattle off some excuses and then leave as fast as he could. There was no way he was going to go. He didn't want to see his best friend like that.

It was finally on a day when he did decide to go that the worst possible thing happened. He walked down the hall, obviously by himself. He for some strange reason didn't mind if Kaoruko or Yankumi were in the room, he just didn't want the guys to see him pacing and being a nervous wreck.

He didn't do this however, when he got there he saw that Kaoruko was outside of the room bawling.

"Kaoruko?" he asked her as he walked up. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes and clung to the younger boy once she got up.

"Ogata Yamato I'm not sure if I should kill you or thank you." she said through her tears. "Ren...he's...he..." Yamato's eyes widened as he filled in the blank as she let go of him. Even if she was crying, Yamato was enough of a gentleman to let her cry on him, even if it did make him a little uncomfortable that his best friend's older sister was crying on him.

"Is Ren okay?" he asked Kaoruko. Not even waiting for her to answer he went inside the hospital room.

**When the smoke is gone I have to face what I've become...**

When he looked at the white sheet covering the bed his eyes went huge. Ren was gone. He walked over to the bed, and gently lifted the sheet that covered Ren's face. There was Ren, he never knew how much dead people looked like they were just sleeping. That's all it looked like Ren was doing, sleeping. He collapsed at the side of the bed, his knees hitting the floor.

"Wake up..." he said quietly. "Your just still in a coma right? You have to wake up. We were supposed to graduate together." he said quietly. He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was probably Kaoruko. "Wake up." he repeated again. "You can't be dead." He got up from the floor and stood. Kaoruko looked at his face, it was obvious, the tears he was trying so hard to hide.

His best friend was gone.

**Will you rescue me? Could you get me out alive?**

He found himself walking over to the pool hall after he left the hospital. He found himself wondering if the other guys knew. That much he doubted, but he wasn't going to be the one to tell them, especially since he himself couldn't believe it. They had two more weeks until graduation. One week of suspension. Why did Ren have to do it? When they were so close to their goal! That diploma was something that up until Yankumi came they all thought they'd never see.

Ren was for sure not going to be seeing it.

**I'm trying to hold on but I've lost the will to fight**

He got to the pool hall only to be met by Honjo, Kamiya, Kura, and Ichi. His eyes widened to the size of deer's when he saw the four of them and they saw him. He took a hesitant step back, afraid to approach his friends that were headed his way. He shook his head and they stopped as he took off running from the pool hall.

He ran and he didn't stop running until he was to the river bank. He needed to do something, anything, he needed to be reassured that it was all a dream yet again. There was just no way that Ren was gone. Ren couldn't be gone. He looked in the water. He really wasn't sure what to think right now.

If Ren was really gone, then he could just dive into the riverbank and join Ren right now. He couldn't handle life. Who would he turn to? Whenever he did need help who would he ask for it? How would he survive? The guys needed another leader. The guys needed Ren to. Not just him.

**Will You rescue me? Take me far away from this shattered life.**

He found himself just merely looking out into the river. He couldn't very well just jump into the river and drown himself. He did and died, he'd be finding out if there was an after life after the after life. Ren would kill him once he got to the after life, no matter what those Christian people said about there being no evil, badness, or violence in heaven. Ren would find a way.

**How can I go on pretending that there's nothing wrong**

**Life has brought me to my knees**

Fast forward to the funeral, which was a day or so after. The guys found out later on the same day Yamato found out. They sit in the service, listening to the chanting, Kaoruko's crying. Naturally, as the one who was closest with Ren out of all the guys, it was obvious that Yamato was expected to at least be noticeably upset. He wasn't. He sat on the first row alongside Kaoruko and Ren's maternal grandparents, who were also crying.

Nobody could tell that he was slowly being murdered on the inside. That he wanted to just leave and go far, far, away from this place. As soon as the funeral was over though, Yamato's behavior made it painfully obvious as he immediately jumped up and ran from the room, despite the fact that Kaoruko was about to tell him that if he and the guys wanted to come by the apartment they were welcome to.

**This mask I hide behind is killing me,**

**There's nothing left**

Yamato had gotten to the riverbank before he realized that he was being followed. By Yankumi of course. He turned around to face the gangster teacher, who was dressed in just a plain black dress, with no glasses or pigtails.

"Come for one of your youthful lectures?" he asked Yankumi sarcastically as he sat down by the river. He was so done with playing off all the anger. He figured Yankumi would be the best one to vent his anger on, she'd probably just ignore it and keep talking while everyone else would get mad at him and leave. He wanted that yeah, but deep down he had a feeling that he shouldn't be alone right now.

**Is there anyone who feels like me?**

Yankumi shook her head and sat down beside Yamato in the best way she could in a dress.

"Kaoruko-san told me you were the first one to find out." Yankumi said to him. Yamato nodded. Yeah, he was the first one to find out. First one to find out and he spent the first couple minutes of knowing in denial. It was just not real. Ren couldn't be dead. He was only eighteen! Yankumi looked at him seriously at that point (not that she already had been). "Was that what you were scared of?" she asked him. "That something would happen if you went to go see him?" Yamato nodded.

**When the smoke is gone I have to face what I've become...**

"I'm still angry. I'm angry at Goda for doing all of this. I'm angry at everyone, the worst part is I don't know why. I can't stand this. I just want to leave, go far away, do something." Yamato said to Yankumi. She nodded.

"I can understand that, but you can't run forever." she told him. "You'd be running away from the people who care about you to. I realize that it will be difficult for you for awhile, but it will get better. It'll still hurt to think about it, but it will get better." she explained. "I know that."

**Will you rescue me? Could you get me out alive?**

**I'm trying to hold on but I've lost the will to fight**

Yamato just scoffed and rolled his eyes at the statement.

"Ogata, I know that better then anyone. You've known that for awhile." Yankumi informed him. "Now come back, everyone's wanting you back over at the apartment." he heard her tell him.

**Will You rescue me? Take me far away from this shattered life.**


End file.
